After going through the divorce and then reading articles, books, and other resources about relationships, I've discovered how important certain things are when considering who to spend time with in a dating relationship or a marriage.
First and foremost, finding somebody who has a relationship with God can not be compromised. Not only that, it is important to find another that understands God in the same way that you do. I have nothing against Catholics. I respect their beliefs and understand how they have come to the conclusions they hold. But it is extremely difficult to be yoked with another who looks at things in a different way. This is especially true when considering how each of you will worship together and become involved in your local church. Without this connection, how can we continue to grow together and spur one another on as Paul has encouraged us to do? Iron sharpens iron.
Secondly, I have found that lifestyles make a huge difference in the way that we connect with one another. It is hard to fit together one who has grown up on the farm and another who has grown up in the inner city. Without complementary backgrounds, I find that it can be difficult to relate to one another. Other lifestyle traits I feel are important are family relationships, spare time activities, church background, anger management, conflict management, stress management, and financial management.
What do you all think? What are the most important things to look for in your significant other? What things must NOT be compromised?
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10 comments:
well todd, i think you said it perfectly. i believe that the most important thing in a realtionship is that you understand and see God in the same way. it's the first thing i look for in a guy and i know that if we dont see eye to eye on it, then the realtionhsip will not be what God wants it to be and will probably not work.
Religion is a big one! Especially mixing Catholic with something else. But usually, before the marriage, one will be compliant with the one who has a bigger preference. Once "I do" happens, things change, minds change. Finances are probably the 2nd biggest challenge. But, with God in the drivers seat (and the passengers wanting to go in the same direction) the finances always seem to work themselves out.
Having kids (or not), and agreeing on how to raise them is a big one.
motivation and ambition from both sides are a must. you have to go somewhere together in your relationship
dang todd...i dont really know what to say...your blog is a little "deeper" than thomas' usually is.....i think your beliefs are the most important...and then in no particular order, these all must be thought through...all aspects of having kids, jobs, future goals, location...just a couple...you are the one reading the books...so if im wrong..tell me now!! ~HoZ
If you're really interested in what it takes to having a loving relationship with your spouse, get your hands on anything that Gary Smalley has written or produced. Take it from a 25 year "veteran", he is right on the mark with everything I have ever seen or read! My wife and I are enjoying our marriage now more than ever! KF
Good comments everyone. HoZ - I think one you touched on is very important and that is future goals. i think you can have 2 people with a great relationship, but if they are wanting 2 different things out of life, it's awfully difficult to make things work in a marriage
Kevin - thanks for the book advice. i'll check 'em out.
todd... i think you're right on with all that.
as much as i have my unspoken desires about women, the one i hold as a general statement is simply this: she must love God more than she loves me. i think that just about covers all else.
have a nice day
tuf
tuffy - yea i think you're right on with that statement. Good call!
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